Every day we are involved in a variety of relationships, each differing in the intensity and degree of closeness they provide us. We may have professional or business relationships with coworkers, the gardener, or your doctor. We also have more informal relationships with people like neighbors or colleagues. Personal relationships however are those that involve some degree of intimacy, sharing, and emotional attachment, family members, friends, spouses or partners.
If someone in your life is causing you distress, perhaps a friend, co-worker, spouse, child...whoever it is, when it starts to affect your energy, happiness, or other relationships, it may be time to get some support.
Whether we are aware of it or not, each person involved in a personal relationship has something at stake. If we didn’t, the relationship wouldn’t be important to us and we wouldn’t react to or become upset with each other. When there is something at stake, ultimately, there is something to lose, whether it’s our pride, the feeling of being loved or any other number of unconscious agendas we bring to the table. Even if you feel you are an unconditional friend or mate, if there are problems in your relationship, there are often expectations not being met. For the most part, the majority of problems we encounter in personal relationships revolve around two specific areas — our expectations of the relationship and the people involved and/or a lack of personal boundaries.
How Do I Know If I Need Help?
When you repeatedly find yourself in the same type of negative relationship, counseling can offer insight and support. If your relationships are causing you stress or impacting your daily life, it’s a sign you may need some help. Even though relationships involve more than one person, ultimately, the only person you can change is you. With the tools and support therapy provides, you can learn to set healthy boundaries and release unrealistic expectations. Oftentimes, simply gaining a new perspective on your own behavior can open the door to healthier and more satisfying relationships.
Transitions and Loss
"We’re all just walking each other home.” —Ram Dass
Change is inevitable. Life is going to happen whether we want it to or not. This is not to say that transition is easy. On the contrary, transitions can be one of the most difficult experiences of our life. Every life transition asks us to let go in some way, either of a past way of thinking or doing. When we’re able to do this, we are given an opportunity to replace the old way of being with something new.
During the transitional period however, it can feel terribly uncomfortable. We can feel disconnected from others and and even from ourselves. While this is natural to some extent, when you can’t move through this phase without feeling completely overwhelmed, and in a state of emotional turmoil, that’s a clue that you could us some extra support for yourself.
Whatever the transition, counseling with an experienced listener is an excellent opportunity to help you take stock of your life and move forward into your new beginning with less pain and resistance. Please know that help is available if you want it.
To set up an appointment to talk about what’s going on for you, please feel free to call me at 707.634.4824. I will return the call within 24 hours. If you need to speak with someone sooner than that, you can call the Sonoma County Crisis Line, available 24 hours a day at 707.576.8181
"The grass is greener….when it’s watered." —Unknown
Imagine if you could end the pain and suffering that comes from feeling a lack of connection and a lack of love in your relationship. Now imagine feeling unconditional love for yourself, for your partner, and from your partner. Couples Work can offer your relationship the support and crucial information it deserves and needs to flourish.
I can effectively work with either one or both members of a couple. The ultimate goal is bringing compassion and loving attention to the relationship so that healing can begin. And while one partner can't do the other's work, by changing their own behavior one partner can effect change in their partner's behavior.
In doing this work you will learn how to:
Support your partner's growth with love and compassion
Own your reactions
See your relationship as a vehicle for your own growth and learning
Know when to stay and when to leave a relationship
Stay even when you are hurting and not leave as a way of punishing your partner
Allow your partner to be right
There are three important elements that we need to honor in couples work: you, your partner, and the relationship. Together we will look at the relationship in terms of what's best, not just for each individual, but for the relationship itself. As we explore each of your common complaints, repeated patterns, and unfulfilled expectations, you will each begin to take responsibility for your part in what works and what doesn't, you and your partner will begin to align, and the relationship can then grow stronger. Instead of feeling that you need to pull away from your partner, you will each learn to lean in, and the relationship will begin to grow closer rather than further apart.
Please feel free to contact me to explore whether I may be able to help you navigate through the problems in your primary relationship. Don't wait. Call me at 707 634 4824 to set up an appointment, either in person or via Skype.